beautiful
by shittyslytherin
Summary: Kise had always wanted to be pretty. On hiatus.
1. chapter one

Title: beautiful

Author: mountainmoon

Summary: Kise had always wanted to be pretty.

Tags/Warnings: Kise Ryouta/Kagami Taiga, self harm, depression, slight bullying, anxiety, romance, love, suicidal thoughts, angst, hurt/comfort, happy ending, NO major deaths, past child and domestic abuse (will be mentioned in flashbacks a bit).

Disclaimer: I own only my story and plot. I do not own the image used for this story.

written on 1/12/16

word count: 862

* * *

Kise didn't know when he realized he wanted to be pretty, like a female. Maybe it was from living with three older sisters and a mother who were quite feminine themselves. Maybe it was because he abhorred anything that resembled his father, such as drugs, tattoos, bulging muscles, masculinity, angry voices, shouting, hitting someone when you're drunk, the sound of the police and ambulance sirens coming to save him and take that man away-

Or hell, maybe he just liked the thought of being pretty.

First off, Kise knew he was a male. He identified as a male, with a penis and no breasts. It didn't bother him to have 'un-womanly attributes'. (He himself thought that if you had a penis but identified as a girl, it meant you were a girl, and vice-versa). However, what bothered him was the fact that people looked at him in contempt and disgust, because he wore a flower crown and pink, lilac, light yellow, whatever color that was traced to being feminine, clothes. He'd seen some of the looks his sisters and mother received when he ran to the girls section in stores, wanting that cute lilac colored shirt with a smiley face on it. Or those cute, pink lace socks that looked so adorable on his feet and ankles. He'd seen the snarl that a particularly strict and old-fashioned looking man gave his mother when she bought him that smiley face shirt. Kise had bare witness to a mother whispering to her own children that 'that young man is an abomination and I will not tolerate any of you turning out like him'.

Kise hated the way everyone looked down on him, simply because he was wearing feminine clothing. He was five when his father was arrested, and seven when he began to enjoy life to the fullest (as much as he could, considering how badly he was treated by that awful man).

He was ten when his sister suggested he start modeling (he immediately said yes. He wanted to be pretty and beautiful and have people see his beauty and acknowledge it, acknowledge him, because if they did, maybe he wouldn't feel so disgusted with himself when he dressed like a girl would. To Kise, it was a no-brainer), eleven when he hit it big, twelve when he became pretty well known around his prefecture and the others surrounding it, thirteen when he began to have to carry a sharpie around in his back pocket, and fourteen when he was chased around by paparazzi the first time.

He was also twelve when he realized he can't wear what he wants outside of the house anymore. He had to play the part of a becoming masculine male. It was hard to accept, considering he'd never been on this tight of a leash before in his life (besides when his dad still lived with them, but he couldn't really call that a life since it was more like a hell on Earth), but he'd come to realize with a sense of calm that it was to be expected. After all, nobody wanted change, nobody wanted to be the outsider, and they'd be damned if the one they worshiped was the outsider himself.

So he stopped being himself. It worked for two years, until he discovered basketball, and found friends who he knew would accept him.

But it's hard to receive acceptance when you and your friends are tearing at the seams and becoming over-confident. It's almost impossible to receive acceptance when your teammates won't listen to what you have to say, and in turn, aren't able to accept what they don't know. And it's absolutely impossible to tell them that, 'hey, I dress like a girl sometimes but I'm a male and I love cute and pretty things' when they ignore you and make fun of you everyday.

(But then again, how did he know they'd accept him anyways? When he thinks about it, Kise realizes that maybe his relationship with his teammates wasn't as chummy as he thought. He chalked it up to them all being somewhat tsundere, especially Midorimacchi, but who even knows? Kise is sure that Momoicchi at least liked him as a friend, but not Midorimacchi or Murasakibaracchi, and certainly not Akashicchi or Aominecchi. Kurokocchi saw him as an annoying pest, which said cyan-haired male has told him countless times. But he'd hoped, wished, and longed desperately for them to like him, because he wanted friends so so so badly, something he's never had before, considering his dressing style, his shyness in his earlier years, and people being his "friend" for the fame and money.

He wanted people to call on the phone and text during the night when he had nightmares, he wanted friends to have sleepovers with while they giggled over cute celebrities. He longed for someone to tell him it's okay to be who he is, and that whatever the dumbasses from elementary school told him, it wasn't true. Before bed, he'd imagine what it'd be like to live like that, carefree and normal and-

He always stopped himself from dreaming too much, because dreams don't come true).

* * *

a/n- hi sorry its short i can't write anything very long lol tell me if you like it? give constructive criticism and tell me what you liked in the reviews please? also follow and favorite because it'll motivate me to write faster. i'll try to update at the very least, twice a month, but no guarantees b/c school fucking sucks. ps it might sound like a pretty shit story but i promise i'll try to get better at writing.


	2. chapter two

After the Winter Cup, Kise was. . . Different. It wasn't just because of losing, no. . . It was more of a fall down of sorts. He didn't message the Teikou squad for no reason anymore- only if he needed to ask them a legitimate question or accept/decline an invitation to play streetball with them. He didn't send multiple pictures to their group chat, asking for their opinion on a certain outfit or pair of basketball shoes. He didn't text the chat, asking for company in between breaks during a modelling session. Hell, when Momoi texted him first one day, instead of his usual, extremely fast response, it took him an hour to answer her.

It was like. . . Like he stopped seeking out their companionship and opinions.

At first, the Miracles loved the change. Not having their phone being blown up by Kise was a welcomed reprieve. They all celebrated silently and alone; what they didn't know was that Kise was waiting for one of them to text him back first, to see if they actually cared.

When he received no new messages from his 'friends' for three days, he decided to stop caring about them all together. After all, he had more important things to do, right? Right? They don't matter, do they? They don't. They do not and will not. Mark Kise's words.

He wouldn't be a friend you can ignore and give zero fucks about until needed. He wouldn't become that guy.

He wouldn't be someone they can bring down constantly, and be the punching bag of the Miracles. He'd dealt with the abuse from his so called 'friends' for so long, that it was weird to not be the butt of jokes, or the one that was bullied the most; the one who was mocked, and ridiculed for wearing a bit of eyeliner- or or or the one who was kicked and ignored for being himself.

He'd grown up in a toxic environment, and escaped it. He wasn't going to stay in one again, just for a stupid friendship that probably was one-sided and he doesn't care about them anymore okay so don't assume he does-

Kise fell deeper and deeper into a pit of isolation while his 'friends' seemed to ignore him, not once actually texting him to see if he's okay.

* * *

"I quit," Kise said to his manager. There was spluttering heard, a shriek of indignation, the sound of someone running towards him, and then the chirps of birds and small animals as he exited the building, feeling a bit of regret, but ultimately, lighter than he had since he turned 12.

Kise felt like he could take a step closer to being himself, to being someone he wants to be. But of course, it was probably wishful thinking (The media had too strong a hold on Kise's life, and he was absolutely certain he'd be bashed for wearing girly shit, like pastel sweaters and cute kitten shirts and just whatever was _cute_ to him, like those boots that he adored and that 'every white girl in America had'- he knew they would fit he had relatively small feet for his height (8 in American Womens size)).

Because if Kise knew anything, it was that the media disliked any thoughts of 'abnormal' celebrities.

The next day there was a magazine article featuring him, pondering why on Earth would he retire when he was finally being scouted world-wide? Why would he quit when he was getting so many offers to go model a shoot somewhere in Paris, or to be an underwear model for Calvin Klein, or to be a fetish, something someone stared at until it became old, and discarded it for a new one? Because surely he was making a lot of money, so surely he was fine? Surely he could model again, this was surely just a temper tantrum, yes yes it's fine, all teenage celebrities go through this stage at one point or another, it'll be fine.

He tweets the answer to most questions that ask for the reason he quit: "I'm tired of being someone I'm not, or ever will be."

His tweet receives more favorites than any of his others have (and that's quite a large amount), and he can already see the articles being published about him, can already hear Kasamatsu-senpai muttering to himself about how, "That damn Kise is at it again; always gettin' attention for nothing."

It pains him more than he'll admit that no one calls him after the first hour of sending the tweet.

* * *

When Kise gets his last check in the mail, he puts all his money in his bank account, and shops online for clothes that he doesn't feel uncomfortable in. He immediately buys tights and shorts that are pink and blue and yellow, and sweaters that have a galaxy print on them, or a cute cat, or ice cream, or anything that tickles his fancy.

He buys whatever he thinks looks pretty, and would look fantastic on him, because what's the point if he looks ugly?

[and online, when it says who to make the order out to, he puts his sisters name].

* * *

a/n: hey its short once again and this chap is mainly a filler chapter with like info and stuff. sorry if the story doesnt seem to be going in the direction you wanted, but its going to get good (hopefully lmao). i'm trying to ease kises character into wanting to be pretty all the time and just himself and to not care about what society or the GOM think and I've left not so subtle hints that he still cares but whtevr. but be warned this will be aokise and the gom/kise will reunite and become friends again after going through a lot of shit ok.

update: lol its not aokise its kagakise

 **PLS REVIEW/FAVORITE/FOLLOW**

 **pls**


	3. chapter three

It takes a week for the clothes to come in the mail. During the time of waiting, Kise goes to school and ignores everyone who asks or says things to him along the lines of, "What'd your tweet mean?! Kise-sama, please answer!" or, "Are you ever gonna model again? If you don't, it'll be a right shame; you had a great body, a nice smile." ( _'And I was a great fetish_ ,' Kise thinks once the third year stops talking).

Kise waits and waits for a call or text from the Teikou group (he tells himself he's waiting to see if Rima-nee-san has texted him about his clothing shipment, but he really just wants to know if that damn Aominecchi has texted, worrying about him; or if Akashicchi has called, wondering what preposterous idea Kise had in his mind to quit modeling. Or maybe, if Midorimacchi has texted him his horoscope for the day, because that's how Midorimacchi shows his _love_ -)

He receives nothing besides a text from his cousin. And all it says is "Stay happy. I'm worried about you."

Kise wonders why the friends he spent his last two years of middle school with haven't texted or called him. He wonders if they actually know he quit; if they seen his tweet.

Because if they didn't, wouldn't that be a mistake on his part? To blame them for something they're ignorant about? It grates heavily on Kise's nerves to think he's been blaming them for something they might not know about, and it serves to make him feel like he's the one in the wrong.

Because, he thinks, this puts a whole new light on the situation. If they didn't know, he can't hold them accountable. And-

Kise's been forgetting a bunch lately that he's not supposed to be talking to the Miracles much anymore and doesn't need to care about their opinions or feelings (it just goes to show how dependent on them he's become. It irks him, like an itch that he keeps scratching but won't leave. He knows that sometimes, he'll get especially furious at the Miracles, when he's reminded of his cruel treatment at their hands, but other times, he'll still long desperately for them to all come together again and be _friends_ ).

* * *

When his clothes come in, he takes them to his room. He tries them all on, and when there's nothing wrong with them- nothing wrong with the way he looks, he doesn't look _ugly_ , he puts his clothes in his closet and smiles. It's genuine, something he can't say about most of his smiles nowadays, and on impulse he pulls a pastel pink oversized sweater out of the closet, with his tights that are black, up to his thighs, where they have cat ears and eyes in the fabric, and puts them on, snapping a picture with his phone in the mirror.

He pulls up the Teikou Group Chat on Kik, where the Miracles (including Kagami and Kuroko) are already talking, ready to hit send and ask if he looks cute, but stops suddenly and deletes the message, hoping no one saw that it said, "Kisecchi is Typing" at the top.

Kise feels angry at himself because he's not supposed to be trying to communicate with them anymore; they're not good for him and he's probably not good for them, so it's a win-win situation that they're unofficially ignoring each other as of the present. But his chest feels heavy and it shouldn't, considering the fact that he's already done with the group- they don't have the _privilege_ to talk to him anymore- but it still does and Kise's happy mood is gone now.

He taps back on the group chat and clicks the top right-side button, then clicks again when it says "Leave Group".

He's not added back in for another hour.

(in the end, he sends the picure to Rima-nee-san, asking for her opinion. When he receives several heart-eyes emojis in response, he feels like he's not ugly, and like he deserves to wear this type of clothes).

* * *

Incoming Call: akashicchi!

Kise declines the call. _They had their chance_ , he thinks bitterly behind a mask of silent tears. _They had their chance, two weeks ago, to text me, call me, whatever, and they didn't._

 _So I won't talk to them either. I'll never utter another word to them all until they apologize. And until they do, they won't know why I'm giving them the silent treatment. They won't get an answer when they ask what's wrong, and they won't get a "yes" when they ask me to meet up for streetball. They'll feel sorry for ever ignoring me, and bullying me, and hurting me, and being mean and not caring for my feelings when all I've ever done is care for their's and them themselves. And while they feel guilty, I'll come out on top, because it's not going to be me this time- I won't be the one who's the butt of jokes, or the one everyone makes carry the bags, or the one who's coerced into paying for at least a 1850 yen of food. It won't be me, and damn it all if they think it will be. I won't be a toy they can play with until it breaks and then be thrown in the trash like it's yesterday's news. And so what if it's selfish- so what if_ I'm _being selfish for wanting some amount of love and attention from them- the only people outside of my mom and sisters that I truly care about the opinions of._

Kise stops thinking because it hurts to realize everything.

(He didn't think his plan through very well. He should have realized that when he declined Akashi's call, it would raise eyebrows and annoy the declined teen- who'd gather the Miracles up and parade them to Kise's house, hellbent on punishing the blond for ignoring him).

* * *

 **a/n: hello it's me again. i'm gonna try and leave this short- i'm responding to a review.**

 **review: This story(i feel anyway) is super important! Youre tackling something that a lot of people struggle with! Not just people like Kise, who have been told to act/dress a certain why by society, but just normal people too! Syruggling with yourself, how you feel, your concern with people's opinions, its something we all worry about. Youre really making him realistic(maybe not canon) but realistic. I love it.**

 **thank u. Okay, so in the beginning, I legit like shit this out when listening to knb character songs and reading a genderfluid!eren yeager story lmao. I kept writing the story because I thought of Kise's characterization and how he was treated, and thought about writing a story concerning him. I hope I've incorporated the struggling/feel/opinion worrying, because it was what I was going for but I'm a pretty shit writer so** **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ idk. I like that I've made him realistic, and tbh i would make him canon but idk how to, considering this isn't a canon-compliant kise lmao. Thanks for your feedback and support, it means the world to me!**

 **p.s. when i first started writing this story I didn't expect any reviews/follows/faves, but i want some so hand them over rn guys ok**

 **also ive hit my quota of 2 chaps a month**


	4. chapter four

"Ryouta. Open up the door this instant."

Kise hears Akashi before he sees him.

Currently, Kise is lounging around in his living room, watching soap operas, scrolling through tumblr, doing whatever. He's towel-drying his hair (something that he normally didn't do; it made his hair wavy and his face looked more feminine as a result, and he didn't wish for any derogatory comments to come from his teammates or strangers when they seen him) and painting his nails. He's using a pastel pinky-peach color that shows up slightly, and looks good on his nails though being hard to see.

Kise loves the color.

However, he doesn't love Akashi showing up without any warning.

Oh well, he supposes, that's just the way Akashicchi is.

Kise sighs and pauses his TV show. He set his nail polish on the table, screwing the cap back on tightly, so, if on the off hand one of his sisters or he himself trip on the wooden item, the polish wouldn't spill out.

Then he turned off everything that was on, made noise, had lights or essentially anything that could give a clue to the fact that he's home and ignoring the door.

Sneaking to his room, he opened the sleek wooden entryway, closed it, and jumped into bed, snuggling into his green jumper and hiding himself under the blankets. He pulled his phone off of his bedside table and began to scroll through Instagram, liking a few pictures that were edits of him made by some of his modelling fan-base. Because even if he didn't like being a fetish he can admit whole-heartedly that a lot of time was put into some of those pictures and he honestly enjoyed how they look. Because they made him look pretty.

The knocking on his door started up again and he opted to ignore it, putting in earbuds and listening to music while going to post a new Instagram picture instead of answering the knocks.

Eventually, Kise thought, they'll leave and not talk to me ever again. And that's the best for everyone. And I'm fine with that choice. Because all they'll do if I let them in is mock me and hurt me.

He falls asleep to music as soon as Akashi (and whoever else he may have been with) leaves.

* * *

"Have any of you spoken to Ryouta lately?" Akashi questioned the six in his presence. It made Kagami slightly annoyed, because, _No, like all the other_ fucking _times you've asked, I have not talked to Kise. I don't even have his_ number _!_

Currently, the Miracles, bar Kise, and plus Kagami and Kuroko were in Akashi's Tokyo house.

Kagami didn't quite know why he was invited or why Akashi _keeps_ inviting him, since he and Kise aren't exactly the closest friends ever, and really, this is like a freakin' deep-rooted problem between the Miracles and Kuroko that probably started at Teikou and grew bigger without any closure or apologies, stuff like that.

So yeah, Kagami isn't sure why he's here.

He even tells them all that.

"Why am I even here? This is between all of you guys and Kise, not me. Go fix it yourselves! _I_ wasn't at Teikou, and that's why he's mad, right? Because you guys hurt him a lot during middle school and now in high school, 'nd never apologized, or am I reading the whole situation wrong?"

And it's a belated realization that, _oh, they couldn't tell that Kise was mad because of Teikou. And oh, they look hella fuckin' sad now._

It's with a "Fuck," from Kagami's mouth that makes them all look up and leave their minds and old memories.

And yeah, Kagami knows he's not the smartest, but seriously, it's kind of obvious that Kise doesn't like the treatment he gets each time him and the Miracles meet and talk. And by the word of God, Kagami knows they knew they were hurting Kise.

It leaves a sick feeling in his stomach, because he can tell that their actions are only just now catching up with their minds. It makes him want to vomit.

And _he's_ the one called an idiot. God, he may not be smart in terms of knowing the exact date of World War Two, but he can just _understand_ some things. Because he's more of a practical person, not theoretical.

The Miracles's stunned silence _does_ make him throw up, actually.

Because if they just now realized how _badly_ they hurt Kise, then what did they do for the past couple of years without restraint, thinking that _yeah, it was kind of mean to do that but it'll be fine_. Without questioning, _Oh, is this bad? Does this hurt Kise? How would I feel if it was me in his place?_

And considering how they acted in their second and third years of middle school, well. . .

Kagami's stomach churned violently as he rushed to the nearest bathroom and puked up the meager lunch he ate before being forced to Akashi's.

Nobody followed him, but he's sure they heard his retching from the common room.

God, he's never felt more sympathy for someone in his whole life.

When he goes back into their meeting place, he demands Kise's number.

They hand it over without question.

And he leaves, giving them all disappointed looks, because _really guys? I know you were harsh, but this is outright cruelty to someone who doesn't deserve it._

* * *

Later, Kagami is told that the Miracles went to visit Kise at his house.

And later, Kagami calls Kise to ask if he'd like to come over.

Kise agrees, and Kagami is thankful because he really thinks Kise needs someone to talk to right now and wants to be there for the blond.

* * *

 **a/n: hello its me again**

 **i was thinking of making this kagakise instead of aokise? just because it would fit better with the story. also, if kagami seems to OOC im sorry but literally I don't think he's that dumb. After hearing everything about teikou and seeing the miracles interact, you'd have to be a fool to not notice what kise goes through. also sorry its short lol.**

 **DO YOU WANT KAGAKISE OR AOKISE**

 **if u dont review and tell me its going 2 b kagakise**

 **ps i dont read over my crap b4 posting so lol if theres any extreme mistakes dont hesitate 2 tell me!**


	5. chapter five

Kise woke up to his ringtone blaring into his ears from his earbuds. He pulled them out quickly, flinging them away, and clicked 'Answer' without checking to see who it was.

That would have been a mistake on his part if it was one of the Miracles calling, but fortunately, it was some unknown number.

"Hello? Kise Ryouta speaking!" Kise stated in a forced cheery tone, trying to overcome the grogginess of his tone.

There was a intake of breath on the other end, and the person spoke. "Kise. . .? It's Kagami."

Kise's breath hitched but he nonetheless still spoke. "Ah, hello, Kagamicchi. . ."

Kagami's end was filled with crackling noises like oil popping and plastic bags being opened.

"Kise, hey, I know this is kind of weird to ask, since we don't really know each other that well and all, but can you come over for dinner? I wanna talk to you about something and I'm worried about you," Kagami said plainly, but Kise could feel the underlying nervousness in his voice. When Kise registered Kagami's words, a burst of happiness filled his chest and stomach, because _finally_ , someone was _worried_ about him. He wasn't sure if it was selfish or not to want attention, but he's been starved of it for so long that surely it would be fine just this once if he was happy to receive it?

Kise let out a delightful laugh, his sleepiness having faded away. "Sure, Kagamicchi! I'll take the next train over as soon as I can!"

Kagami hummed as a reply and Kise let out a joyful, "See you soon, Kagamicchi!" then hung up, tossing his phone onto his blankets.

He opened his closet doors and sighed. _What to wear?_

It was a legitimate question; should he wear his old modelling clothes or his new clothes? Because what if Kagami was disgusted by Kise? What if he stopped caring about the blond because his preferred clothing choice was girly, instead of what he used to wear? What if Kagami had an aversion to men wearing women's clothes? And what if he showed up only to be kicked out by Kagami?

Kise breathed in a sharp intake of breath through his nose and banished the thoughts from his mind, resisting the urge to bang his head on the wall.

Difficult, that's what this whole ordeal was.

Kise sighed and chose his old modelling clothes, wanting to be safe, rather than sorry.

* * *

Kagami was extremely worried; after arriving home from Akashi's Tokyo house, he immediately set to work searching up interviews of the Miracles online, and more importantly, their Teikou days. There were interviews with Basketball Monthly, Sports Weekly, Weekly Basketball, and a few fashion magazines that featured the boys in promotional photo-shoots, but those didn't have any relevant information. Kagami reads (and watches) through the interviews of Basketball Monthly first, knowing that those articles and videos would have the most information.

He feels sick again after finishing them.

Aomine literally states in at least half of his interviews from when he was fifteen that Kise was annoying and the weakest of the Miracles. The other half is just him being a cocky asshole who's mind is too self-conceited and one-tracked that he doesn't understand that what he said hurt Kise.

Midorima's reply was short and succinct when asked who his least favorite teammate(s) are. "Kise."

The others don't comment much besides the general thing- Kise was the weakest and gets annoying, with his too cheery personality and modelling. The interviewers all laughed, thinking it was harmless fun, but when they got to Kise to interview him, you could tell that Kise didn't remotely enjoy the treatment he was receiving. However, everyone seemed oblivious to the pure pain in Kise's eyes when they interviewed him, it left Kagami wondering why the hell everyone was so _fucking_ _stupid_ to not see what was right in front of their very eyes.

The most memorable clip from an interview video, back in their third year at Teikou, is this:

"So, Kise-san, how does it feel to know that you're the weakest of the Miracles? Does it get under your skin? Do you envy Aomine-san, the Ace, because of his unparalleled abilities? Or Midorima-san, for his better strength and aim? Or perhaps Akashi-san, for his dominating force and skill?" The interviewer, who's name was Sachiko, smiled and looked at Kise with cheery eyes and seemed so completely _fucking_ _oblivious_ to the way the already-dim light drained from Kise's eyes and how his smile seemed so much more strained than it should have been at that age, that Kagami felt the smallest sliver of pity or sympathy for her. But it was minuscule, because what she said to Kise was horrible and she should have just shut the fuck up because as of right now, Kise, Kagami knows, is the most powerful Miracle. But he wasn't, a year or so ago, and the way he looks when she asks that shit is just- he looks so goddamn _resigned_ to the fact that people were comparing him to the others, like he wasn't good enough to be independent from them, to have people compare others to him instead of the other way around, and honestly Kagami would be lying if he said he didn't tear up a little, or that a gaping, but filled with sadness, hole didn't fill his chest.

"Uh, it feels kinda bad actually. It does get under my skin a bit, to be honest, but not too much. And uh, I dunno really, haha~!" Kise says hesitantly though cheerily, with a smile on his face the whole time. He giggled and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, with that strained look on his whole entire face, and it took all of Kagami's self restraint to not go grab a chocolate bar and weep while watching.

It breaks Kagami's heart to see that shit, because if you don't look at Kise's eyes and just his smile, you'd believe he's okay.

He knows that he's being pretty hypocritical by saying no fifteen year old should have to go through being constantly belittled and bullied, mocked for how low others think is their strongest limit, _will_ always be their strongest limit, because he went through that exact same thing during volleyball in his last year of middle school, before saying 'fuck you' to the sport and starting basketball again and joining Seirin. But still; he knows he was strong enough to handle it, but was Kise?

He didn't think so.

After thinking this, he gets a call saying the Miracles visited Kise, but he didn't answer the door.

Good, he thinks. I'm glad he ignored you assholes.

* * *

The food in Kagami's pan is sizzling perfectly as someone, presumably Kise, knocks on his door. Kagami wiped his hands on his apron and set down the large bowl of fries he'd just taken out of his fryer, and went to answer the door. He unlocked the bolt and pulled it open.

Standing in front of him was Kise in an exact replica of an outfit he'd seen earlier, when looking up photo-shoots of the blond from the start of the year (though he'd deny searching up pictures of Kise).

"Hey, Kise, come in," Kagami stated awkwardly, though with an honest and good-natured sort of tone to his voice. Kise giggled, nodded, and smiled as Kagami scooted to the side and opened the pathway for the blond, who seemed to be genuinely happy to see Kagami.

Said red-eyed male didn't particularly know why, because he was just Taiga. But it was whatever.

"Sorry for the intrusion~" Kise called out, and Kagami knew he was supposed to say something like "haha it's a-okay man you aren't intruding" but his stupid mind wasn't satisfied with that phrase and decided it was going to take control of Kagami's mouth.

So he said what would have him blushing bright red later at night when he recollected the memories of this dinner (though it wasn't even that bad). "It's fine, Kise. I wanted you to come over after all."

He's granted with a huge, elated smile from Kise, and he supposes that makes up for it. Even though the blond seems a bit subdued, it's not exactly noticeable. The only reason Kagami's noticing now is because Kise didn't hug him and smush their cheeks together.

But still, Kagami's a bit embarrassed because he's feeling stupid things and emotions in his heart because of that smile.

"Thank you for having me over for dinner, Kagamicchi!"

Kagami can't help but smile back; his heart and stomach are fluttering with what one could call _good_ butterflies, and it's only the sizzling, snapping, and popping of the food that brings Kagami to the present.

"Oh, shit!" He exclaims, panicking.

Kise looks entirely confused on what's happening, but recognition flits through his eyes quickly and he says one uncertain word: "Food?"

Kagami nods, and races back to the kitchen; his apron is still tied to him as he checks the food to make sure none of it is ruined. Fortunately, it's all still perfect and edible so he passes everything off for luckily salvaged.

He's glad the food was saved.

He goes back to cooking the small rest of dinner that wasn't done, and he's pretty sure Kise is watching him instead of the TV he ushered him towards a couple of minutes ago, but it's whatever because Kise isn't making any noise, really, and contrary to what he may say aloud, he does enjoy the blond's presence.

Kagami pulls everything off the cookers that he needed to fry and sets it in plates; there's not much, really. He cooked burgers, American style, with fries (that's everything on the pans and in the fryer) and some parfait shit his nanny used to make him when he was a kid. It was strawberry with some frickin' sprinkled stuff on the top. Then he had fresh fruit and a bowl of salad for Kise, because he doesn't know what else the blond likes, and he's heard Kise talking to Kasamatsu about how he had to go on a diet for a shoot once, and _besides_ Kise might be vegetarian or have a disinterest in meat- he didn't know. So he did the natural, the obvious thing and just made a healthier side of food for today. For Kise.

He pulled everything out of the fridge that was in there and called out to Kise. "Hey, food's ready!"

Kise came bounding in like a puppy- something that may have frightened him if the blond was a real dog (though maybe not because it's Kise and Kise is so trustworthy Kagami couldn't imagine the blond ever hurting him- ever hurting _anyone_ ), but since he's not, Kagami seen it as cute and kinda a bit adorable- okay a lot adorable. The blond took a seat at the table with no hesitation, smiling up at Kagami and seeming so happy and excited and just- joyful in general. It was kind of different than what he was expecting, honestly. He thought- assumed -that Kise would be depressed and seem a bit darker than what was considered normal, but he wasn't. It was honestly relieving for Kagami because he wanted Kise to be happy, after reading everything and seeing everything he has.

"Thank you for cooking, Kagamicchi!" Kise said sunnily, smiling as though the weight of the world had fallen from his shoulders.

Kagami took his apron off and threw it on the counter, away from Kise and him, and from the food. It laid there alone, away from any living beings and if you counted inanimate objects as human beings it looked ostracized. Kagami thought, _hey, is this what Kise felt like before?_

And immediately that pain from earlier began to thud in his chest.

Kise helped himself to salad and fruit after saying the usual food prayer, yet quickly stopped eating after he saw his host in deep thought.

"Um, Kagamicchi? Are you okay?" He asked hesitantly, his salad stabbed onto a fork (which he was relieved about. He'd never gotten the hang of using only chopsticks), the fork just inches from his opened mouth.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Kagami said distractedly, and began to pile his plate with food.

Dinner was amicable, if not a little awkward. The two talked about the stupid small talk stuff you're supposed to titter on about until you gather up the courage to really say what's on your mind.

Kagami gained the courage as soon as they finished dinner, and his old nanny's parfait stuff was settling into his stomach.

"Hey Kise, can we talk? About like, stuff,"

Not a good way to start the conversation, but it would have to do.

Kise giggled, as though Kagami was some comedian, and nodded.

"Uh, alright, so like. . . Have you been okay recently? I dunno just you seem kinda down a lot and I was wondering what was wrong. The Generation of Bastar- _Miracles_ , the Generation of _Miracles_ , said that you weren't texting them, and I didn't have your number so I couldn't ask you personally if you were okay, and I _would_ have gotten your number from Kuroko but then if I asked for it he'd wonder why I wanted it and I didn't want to tell him in case that put pressure or something like that on you-" Kagami blabbered on and on from his seat on the couch, close to an intently listening Kise.

The blond, amber eyed boy was positively beaming; he launched up from his Indian-style seating position and jumped on the other, taller, male, hugging the life out of him.

"Kagamicchi! The world needs more people like you!" Kise mumbled with tears of happiness flowing out of his eyes, dropping onto Kagami's shirt.

"Wait, uh, Kise? Kise, you okay man? Wait shit why are you crying did I do something wrong oh shit-" Kagami blabbered on apologies until he realized the blond wasn't crying from sadness, but from the joy in his heart.

"Nonsense, Kagamicchi, I'm crying because I'm so happy that someone besides my family cares about me~!" Kise stated from his iron grip around Kagami, with a cheery voice that seemed way too light-hearted and high-spirited for such a sad and depressing statement.

Kagami lost his shit and started crying on Kise after hearing that.

"W-W-Wait Kagamicchi! Why are you crying?!"

"Because you seem too happy to hear something a normal fucking human being should have told you years ago,"

* * *

 **a/n: hi im here and im queer.**

 **kagakise it is**

 **sorry if it sucks lmao like, I tried to make kise seem a bit more subdued though very happy about being asked if he was okay, and kagami as the stupidly oblivious beautiful smol child who cares so much that its not even funny and he feels so much sympathy and pity and some empathy for kise and just**

 **hope i captured the emotions right**

 **this chapter is longer than by like 1k words than all my other chapters in this fic im proud of myself**

 **lol bye**

 **-mountainmoon**


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